You must take every opportunity to become familiar with this stranger or acquaintance that is yourself. This, by the way, is not a figurative way of speaking, for most people know very little about themselves, and only gradually learn to what extent they have lived in ignorance. If you want to know New York you do not merely look at it from the Empire State Building. You go to the lower East Side; you stroll through Central Park; you take a boat around Manhattan; you ride on a Fifth Avenue bus; and a great deal more. Opportunities to become familiar with yourself will offer themselves, and you will see them, provided you really want to know this queer fellow who lives your life. You will then be astonished to see that here you are irritated for no apparent reason, there you cannot make up your mind, here you were offensive without meaning to be, here you mysteriously lost your appetite, there you had an eating spell, here you could not bring yourself to answer a letter, there you were suddenly afraid of noises around you when alone, here you had a nightmare, there you felt hurt or humiliated, here you could not ask for a raise in salary or express a critical opinion. All these infinite observations represent that many entrances to the unfamiliar ground that is yourself. You start to wonder—which here, too, is the beginning of all wisdom—and by means of free association you try to understand the meaning of these emotional upsets.
Karen Horney, Self-Analysis
